30.8.10

the end of an era.

It was the stuff you read about in science fiction novels. 63-year-old William Sheridan from New York, whilst waiting for a compatible heart donor, drew pictures as a way of killing time. His 2D stick figures bore no semblance to the world around him and mirrored those that you might find in a kindergarten. A heart transplant later, this all changed. Sheridan’s childlike drawings transformed into creative and artistic depictions of landscape and wildlife; of billowing brooks and wild imagination. You see, the transplanted organ had belonged to 24-year-old Keith Neville, a stock broker with a passion for art and once it was relocated into Sheridan’s body, the New Yorker had indeed, a change of heart.

Sheridan isn’t alone in this phenomenon. Over 70 personality change cases have been recorded following heart transplants, unlike any other organ. James Clark in the United Kingdom, never one for romance, all of a sudden started to write passionate poetry for his wife after receiving a transplant from an amateur poet. You have to ask the question, does a life threatening operation simply put things into perspective, making one more open to trying new things and experiencing life to the fullest or does the heart have some sort of mysterious connection to emotion and our personality?

Aristotle and the ancient Greeks 2500 years ago saw the heart as the seat of the spirit and the rational soul. When you feel bad after a sudden loss in your life there’s this tightness in your chest and it feels as though your heart is beating irregularly. It’s little wonder that so many years ago, it was seen as the centre of love and emotion. By the late 19th Century with advancements in medicine and technology, the important relationship of the brain to intelligence and emotion became established. Despite the growing evidence that the heart is merely a responder to stimulation by the brain, there is a growing movement among scientists that is trying to reverse this understanding. Some scientists are now convinced that the heart is so much more than just a biological pump; it may have memory and emotional intelligence.

You make me so lonely baby,
I get so lonely,
I get so lonely I could die.

Losing someone that you love is difficult. It’s hard to sleep, concentrate and find happiness in the things that you once loved doing. You can lose a ridiculous amount of weight and feel hopeless and nauseous all the time. The blood flow to your brain, changes. The anterior cingulate cortex associated with physical pain and distress in depression, becomes active and your immune response is weakened. Although it seems infantile and silly, evidence now suggests that you can die from a broken heart.

Former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Jim Callaghan, who died 11 days after his wife of 67 years, is one person who is believed to have died from a broken heart. A study conducted in 1996, examined 1.5 million cases between the ages of 34 and 84. It was discovered that the risk of dying from something that resembles a heart attack 6 months after the loss of a loved one, increased from the norm by 20 to 35%.

Broken heart syndrome, also known as Takotsubo cardiomyopathy, is a recognised medical condition that is caused by extreme stress often after the loss of a loved one and is more commonly found in older people. Fear and grief leads to a greater secretion of noradrenalin and adrenalin, hormones associated with the fight-and-flight response. These hormones lower the pumping ability of the heart and can cause chest pain and symptoms that closely mirror a heart attack. It differs from a heart attack, though. The heart undergoes a transformation; it takes up an atypical shape that compromises its pumping function. Its base squeezes normally but the middle and tip do not. This is not an ordinary heart attack. It doesn’t kill the heart muscle, just renders it helpless and can affect perfectly healthy people that don’t have any blood clots. Sufferers often recover within two to three weeks. It is a reaction to emotion.

Dr Ilan Wittsen of Johns Hopkins University has examined this remarkable condition. Blood samples from patients believed to be suffering from Broken Heart Syndrome contain high levels of adrenalin and noradrenalin which are more elevated than in normal heart attack patients. The heart responds to emotion like no other organ, but does it have a brain of its own?

Is your heart filled with pain?

Shall I come back again?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

In 1967, Dr Christian Barnard performed the first heart to heart transplant. Although the patient survived only 18 days, it was clear that the heart was a secularised organ, capable of beating on its own without the help of the brain. A person can remain heartless for about 15 minutes and even after a transplant, the connections linking the heart to the brain can remain severed. It continues to beat autonomously because of the Intrinsic Cardiac Ganglia.

The Intrinsic Cardiac Ganglia, affectionately known as the “little brain in the heart” is integral to the heart’s maintenance and performance. It is a collection of cells dispersed throughout the heart that strongly resemble neurons, the cells of the brain. In addition to this, it has brain-like supporting cells, proteins and messengers. There are about 40,000 neurons that sense and control your heart rate and communicate with the brain. If the heart contains neurons, why can’t it behave like a brain and remember and associate?

Dr Garry Schwartz, professor of psychology at the University of Arizona considers the heart to be a “bio, psycho, socio, spiritual organ” and is convinced that it has independent intelligence and paranormal abilities. He argues that there is circular communication between the heart and the brain and that memory can be transferred to the heart. In the case of James Clark, Schwartz believes that the donor’s heart had cells associated with poetry prowess. Clark’s change in personality from a masculine English brute into a sensitive, and ‘in touch’ gentleman also convinced Schwartz, that the heart affects emotion and love. It’s probably important to note that all this is coming from someone who believes that psychic Allison DuBois, the inspiration of television’s Medium, can indeed contact the dead with 77% accuracy and that none of this research has been published in a peer reviewed journal.

Schwartz calls this theory cellular memory and believes that memory exists in every cell of the body but most strongly with the heart. Cellular memory has been the topic of many books and films. In the 1924 book inspired, silent film, Les Mains d’Orlac (translated, “The Hands or Orlac”), concert pianist Paul Orlac loses his hands in a tragic railway accident only to have them replaced by the hands of a murderer. Orlac becomes consumed with murderous thoughts and develops a thirst to kill, like something off an episode of Passions. It would be terrifying to think that now in the golden age of science and medicine we may transform transplant patients into living Frankensteins.

A Californian research organisation known as the Institute of HeartMath (IHM) has developed an entire discipline on heart training and meditation. Crazy haired Research Director, Dr Rollin McCarty is convinced that our high stress, anxiety saturated, socially awkward society may be the result of negative emotions being transferred from one person to the next by a magnetic field that radiates from the heart and through the skin.

In one study, McCarty got subjects to look at a series of photographs, both pleasant and unpleasant ranging from disfigured persons to large, fulsome boobs and recorded response times of the heart and brain. He found that the heart responded correctly to the image, at a rate greater than predicted by chance, before the brain did and before the repulsive picture, for example, was even viewed. McCarty suggests that it’s not the brain that perceives negative stimuli and then signals the heart to beat faster but that the heart intuitively reacts, then the brain and then the rest of the body.

Starting today I’m teaching my heart

Not to ache anymore

Just because we’re apart.

Reversing common scientific notions especially to a more primitive, 2500 year old idea is a difficult task. UWA’s own Nobel Prize winner, Barry Marshall had to face decades of dissent and publication rejections until he deliberately infected himself with a bacterium and had a severe inflammatory reaction. He proved that stomach ulcers could be treated with an antibiotic and were the cause of bacteria, not stress, lifestyle or diet but it was a long and arduous process of acceptance.

Science, as it stands, is reductionist and not holistic. It concentrates on each organ as a single entity, not the overall picture in order to get to the heart of the matter. One thing is for sure, you feel something in your chest when you lose something or someone that was important. Perhaps that’s the heart thinking and feeling for itself, but according to current scientific though, it’s the brain that’s holding the reigns.

Although his ideas may be a little farfetched, Dr Rollin McCarty has developed an effective way of coping with heartbreak. Pick something that hurts you, but don’t think about it, just feel it. Visualise the transfer of energy from your breath into your heart and activate feelings of positivity. It sounds wanky, but meditation really doesn’t get the credit that it deserves.

Find it in your heart to do the things that you love and make you happy. Give yourself time, talk and reflect. In order to transcend pain, you must first experience it; pain is your body’s way of motivating recovery. A broken heart can be repaired and strengthened, just think of William Sheridan and the artistic flare he never knew he possessed. I cross my heart.

***

Not entirely sure why so many people liked this article more than all my others. It really is the end of an era. Who knew one silly office could mean so much to you. A sad, but healthy day.

28.8.10

peggy olson and such thingz.

"Well, one day you're there and then all of sudden there's less of you and you wonder where that part went - if it's living somewhere outside of you. And you keep thinking maybe you'll get it back and then you realise it's just gone"

"
So that's how we live our lives. No matter how deep and fatal the loss, no matter how important the thing that's stolen from us--that's snatched right out of our hands--even if we are left completely changed, with only the outer layer of skin from before, we continue to play out our lives this way, in silence. We draw ever nearer to the end of our allotted span of time, bidding it farewell as it trails off behind. Repeating, often adroitly, the endless deeds of the everyday. Leaving behind a feeling of immeasurable emptiness"

I had a lovely Friday, again :) I am so happy.

18.8.10

detachment rock city.



I feel so detached from everything lately. It's a good feeling. It is nice not to feel like you owe anyone, or yourself for that matter. That you need to look out for anything. Like a friend told me last night, "it's not about love or emotion, it's just something that happens". These are just events that make sense at the time.

15.8.10

my night last night/morning.








OH MY GAWD! So so so so crazy. Were we "bad"? Stop me from smiling, please. :)

11.8.10

and then, of course, there was pollock.


'Jack the Dripper' you never cease to amaze me. So many complexities, so much fun. The second piece is Pollock's 'The Moon Woman'. I love it - it doesn't look cheesy or cliched. It's just happy. This is one of Pollock's early paintings... clearly.

I saw his later 'action paintings' all over NYC this year and I couldn't directly say why I fell in love with them. This quote by Hans Namuth is close to what I feel. "(Pollock's paintings) reveal that his all-over line does not give rise to
positive or negative areas: we are not made to feel that one part of the canvas demands to be read as figure, whether abstract or representational, against another part of the canvas read as ground. There is not inside or outside to Pollock’s line or the space through which it moves…. Pollock has managed to free line not only from its function of representing objects in the world, but also from its task of describing or bounding shapes or figures, whether abstract or representational, on the surface of the canvas."

Harold Rosenberg
also said that "what was to go on the canvas was not a picture but an event. The big moment came when it was decided to paint 'just to paint.' The gesture on the canvas was a gesture of liberation from value — political, aesthetic, moral." It is perfection in my eyes. Pollock used to get dirty, on all fours. He stood over his paintings and applied sand, glass blended with impasto. His paintings are so much fun! Why does a painting need to say anything?

I mentioned previously that I want to have a second childhood and I don't know a better way of doing so than by painting! Last week in my art class, I brought a photo in with me to paint. I was bored. Today I went in with no idea at all. And then I remembered a memory and I saw these pictures and something just clicked. I like abstract art as a mode for expressing my memories. I like impressionism when painting from a photograph

I included the first image by Chagall ('Paris through the window') because I felt like I was looking into my own world. I miss Paris. I miss art. I like to see things like a painting. I will go to Paris this/next year. It's on. I don't have any commitments, best to do so now before I end up in another serious relationship. I feel so alive lately. So happy, like a Pollock painting. I feel like I'm becoming more open and creative and childlike once more. It's a happy feeling. I'm not there yet, but I can feel myself "moving forward" ;)

Oil paint is amazing. Oil paint is gooey and yucky and fun fun fun. I spent about 2 hours just enjoying painting with oils - the way they blended into one another, the silky feel of my paint brush bristles moulding into the layers of colour. I wasn't really concentrating on what I was painting. I listened to a playlist that reminded me of another time and felt like laughing.

The man/woman image seen in both these paintings is one that I find really powerful.
I once read that Plato believed that at the start of the world, there was this one being. It was rather short, with a head that had two faces, looking in different directions, with two sets of sex organs, four legs and four arms. One day, Zeus got jealous of this creature’s willpower and stamina and ability to work in unison and so well for long periods of times that he cut the creature in two with a lightning bolt, creating man and woman. Plato believed that now humans search for their lost half to re-fuse together and become one again.

Uh, I want to feel lightness... this lightness that I'm feeling now with another being. Why is it that I never feel lightness in a relationship? Only heaviness. I'm 19, it shouldn't matter and for the first time in a long time, it doesn't. I think I ruined something that could have been wonderful and could have been exactly how Plato saw it, but that's what happens when you've been fucked over too many times and can't handle intimacy and openness. A part of me wants to start it again, now. A part of me wants to stay where I am because perhaps he will never understand me. Luckily, it's not just my decision to make.

I'm not scared anymore. :)

9.8.10

heart of glass.



It feels as though there's a boulder residing in the place where my heart should be. But It's not a heavy feeling. It's not light, either. It's just an emotion. What emotion, I don't know. I don't think it matters so much. Like a piece by Ravel, I don't think that Glass wanted to paint a feeling. Just evoke an emotion through a piece of music that is in itself emotionless.

I wish I could turn off my thoughts and sleep.

 
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