heart of glass.

It feels as though there's a boulder residing in the place where my heart should be. But It's not a heavy feeling. It's not light, either. It's just an emotion. What emotion, I don't know. I don't think it matters so much. Like a piece by Ravel, I don't think that Glass wanted to paint a feeling. Just evoke an emotion through a piece of music that is in itself emotionless.

I wish I could turn off my thoughts and sleep.

depression is a fever.

I am now HOOKED on blogging. Came across a really interesting article a few minutes ago. According to a research team led by Paul Andrews (Virginia Commonwealth University), there might be a bright side to depression.

Depression is perhaps not a mental illness, but rather an evolutionary adaption to problematic social circumstances. Similar to the way that a fever directs the body's immune reaction to the place of infection/disease, depression may also play a role in redirecting the brain's resources to solving social dilemmas.

For years, doctors have diagnosed me with depression/anxiety and now statistics are coming out suggesting that 30-50% of all people will suffer from depression at some point in their lives. I wrote an article once about one research team that sees this increase in depression as the product of a deprived pleasure pathway. Life has become simpler. We don't need to plough fields in order to get wheat, we can just stick a mi goreng packet into the microwave and voila, din din is served. There's no sense of achievement (though perhaps getting off your butt and turning off Modern Family for the first time in the day can be seen as a big highlight). We all feel depressed at some points, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we have a disorder. In fact, only about 1% of the general population has the actual disorder. It's a hot topic and Andrews' team now sees depression not as a liability, but rather, something that can potentially bring real benefits

I obsess over things; mainly to do with what's actually bugging me. Some people think about their next meal or advertisement slogans or well thought out puns. I think about why I feel the way I do. What I did wrong, what I could have done better, how I can improve, why didn't I say the things that were actually going through my mind and so on and so on. It's frustrating! Once upon a time, I thought that because I couldn't switch off my mind, it meant that I was lacking in maturity, common sense or intelligent thought but that's not the case at all. I sit my exams, I get depressed over them, I can't sleep at night and without fail, I always end up getting over 90%. My mind is highly analytical. Although I mainly analyse and re-analyse the causes for my depressive cycles, I can apply that sort of mind frame to anything, perfect my understanding and ask well thought out questions.

Andrews' team came across this conclusion in their research also. They found that sufferers of depression scored lower on cognitive tests but did better on complex problems that required deep thought. There's this one protein, SHT1A that binds serotonin (responsible for happy feelings!) and higher levels of the protein have been observed in depressed patients. The team suggests it's this protein that helps supply energy to neurons involved in the ventrolatral prefrontal cortex (VLPC) which are integral to keeping us focused on a task. In the happy, non-depressed individual, the VLPC runs out of energy and we lose focus. The depressed VLPC has a constant supply of nutrients and doesn't turn off.

The depressed mind thinks less of food and sex, as these just interrupt flow of thought. The depressed mind hasn't been phased out as we've evolved perhaps because it has the ability to solve social dilemmas that non depressed minds can't. Our analytical minds go into overdrive, we consider the costs and benefits of a given situation, such as a marriage or break up and come up with the best resolution. Oh how I hate seeing gray in a world that sees black and white! :(

I think the ideas are pretty rad and could potentially change the way depression is treated. They do however put into question the effectiveness of cognitive based therapy. Maybe simply talking about the way you feel (i.e. Freudian psychoanalysis) is the best way to go! There's no doubt that depression can be XTREMEly detrimental, though. Is that benefiting anyone or are we just wired to think that depression equals bad and hence conform to that ideal?

It's odd, because even this blog, is just an extension of my obsessively analytical mind. I don't know if I have depression, but I think like most people, I could relate to what was discussed in the article. We all have our own depressive tendencies.

sexy dream.

I had a sexy dream about K-Rudd yesterday. It was terrifying and also arousing.

I shouldn't watch movies about past Labor parliamentarians. This is what happens.

"What a DILF (you be the judge)"

Also, Kandinsky is coming to the Art Gallery on my b'day. V excited.

jazzed up.

These songs remind me of someone that I don't really miss so much anymore, which is odd because I couldn't listen to either of them for about two years without feeling the need to cry and burrow into the ground. On another blog, I published 5 songs that represent my life to date but I completely forgot about this time in my life. Maybe, because it coincided with some of my worst moments, I'd dissociated myself from them.

I often wonder, is it possible to love someone, really be in love with that special someone, if you never technically dated? A friend of mine told me last week that when she looks back at her past relationships, she realises that she only truly loved those who continue to mark her years after. I think that simplifies things too much. In retrospect, everything looks different. Magda says that you can only truly love someone that loved you back.

I was walking around the art gallery last week and randomly ran into a friend from my past. After talking for a while, he mentioned something that has made me jump for joy. The boy that had driven me mad for about a year, that drove me into the arms of my biggest mistake, that kissed me only once, that gave me the CD that contained these two songs had felt the same way about me. I never thought that someone like him could be infatuated with someone like little me. He always seemed bigger than me.

Hindsight changes everything. It obscures the feelings you may have felt and dilutes the thoughts that raced through your mind. I thought that I had met my first love at 19. I now realise that I was kidding myself. I wanted to tell my last partner about everything in my past, but not this one stolen moment (there I go with the jazz references, again). It's difficult to get over your first love. My God, I wonder how things would have panned out if only we had been honest about the way we'd felt.

I should get a diary, but I prefer to type. If ever I get upset, I will remind myself of the love that blossomed for a little while, but never really bloomed.

it's unbearable!

So I started reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being and there was this one passage that really resonated within me. Near the start of the novel, the narrator brought up the idea that life is like a musical composition and that there are motifs that keep on being repeated - like how Anna Karenina meets her love at the site of a train station suicide and then takes her own life in this same manner. Or how the bowler hat keeps returning, each time with a new meaning, for Sabina.

The idea reminds me of the structure of a Sonata. In the Exposition, the themes are brought up and then played around with in the Development. They're inverted, given new harmonies, turned major or minor and embellished, but it's still the same motif and when you hear it, there's this sense of familiarity, clarity and unity. That's exactly what the composers were aiming for in the first place. I'm going to be 20 in three months time, I'm probably nearing the end of my Exposition, but I feel as though sometimes I'm seeing and hearing the same things over and over. I feel aulde.

I don't think this is the place to divulge some of the more personal recurrences that I see, but there are small things. Like how your partner smells exactly the same like the other people that you've been with despite the fact that none of them use the same cologne. It's like you're with the same person over and over again. For me, the songs 'My Girl', 'Sunny Side of the Street' and 'Lady' keep being played everywhere I go and I can't help but feel this strong pang of nostalgia in my gut every time I hear them. Whenever I stop over in Singapore, I see the same bench where I rested my head against Magda's shoulder after our long flight from Perth. I don't know where it is in Singapore, but I always find it or walk/drive past it unintentionally. I don't want to know its whereabouts. Everytime I see it, it's almost as though I see us sitting there and the notion that I will never again be the exact same person that I was 6 years ago, used to freak me out. I'm being incredibly wanky (do I overuse this word?), but I like the idea that we're constantly evolving along the same old motifs.

I think I'm obsessed with knowing everything about love and sex; for crying out loud, I want to be a sexologist. I'm concerned that because I'm constantly trying to learn and experience as much as I can, I will never feel the unbearable lightness of being. I was with someone that I thought I loved, but I was never comfortable around him. There was always something in my gut telling me to leave. I didn't end up ending it, though. My gut also told me to stay, and so I felt heaviness.

My grandmother's name is Marianna and when she was a teenage girl, a fortune teller told her that she was going to marry a man named Marian. She disregarded this piece of information, laughed it off, because it would obviously be too ridiculous to marry someone whose name was so similar to your own. Law and behold, that's exactly what happened. You have to ask the question, do recurrences happen because they're predetermined and a part of our musical composition or because we want to see connections. I'd like to think the former point is correct, but then again, I think back to Friday night / Saturday morning. In my drug addled mind, I thought that it was no coincidence that Animal Collective's 'My Girls' played on as I connected with another person since my break up. It felt like that night in October last year when i danced with my last partner. Was it another motif repeating itself or a clear sign that Amps doesn't change its set list?

I often wonder if Maj chose the right guy or if the fortune teller's words were in the back of her mind when she said 'yes' to Kaku's proposal. It's odd though, someone came up to Mamulek out of the blue once when she was on her lunch break and told her that she had to spend more time with her brother. Wujek Waldek died a few months afterwards. When I was in India, waiting for the train to Jodhpur in Jaisalmer, a man told me that "red bird is going to fly at 21" and when I asked if this was a bad thing, he said "no, very lucky hand". I hope so. The women in our family seem to have easily readable futures :) Either that, or the turbaned stranger didn't know how to speak English properly.

I've side tracked a little. Fark, I know how to ramble. Was talking about it with Magda the other day; I tend to be quite open about my experiences nowadays, even on public forums like the internet. I guess the more secrets you have, the more likely you are to talk about those that aren't as significant.

If the musical composition has an Exposition, and a Development of the themes presented, then it has to finish with a Recapitulation and Coda. In the traditional Sonata, the Recap was essentially a repeat of the Exposition which is boring. If life is like a musical composition, (and even if it's not, I will always see it this way) I think it would be like one of Ravel's sonatas. The themes return, but they're way funkier and more intensely harmonised than the initial presentation :) I'm still at the start of my life - my music is only just beginning to develop its themes and motifs.

I like this book, and I like how I've changed over the last three weeks. It seems silly and corny to say that I'm starting to feel like myself again. Maybe I wasn't living my life to the fullest over the last two or three months, but now I am.

free me - otis redding.

What I'm listening to. Oh I should really go to sleep but it was too exciting a night. Crazy how guilty you can feel when you really shouldn't

what what.

Remember this joy?

stuff to do.

This is adapted from xkcd.com. Pretty sure you don't need a date to do half these things.

From now on, I'm starting my second childhood.

1. Pretend you’ve never met, then loudly try out lame pickup lines in a swanky bar. Act like they worked.
2. Go on a walking journey and every fifteen feet draw a chalk arrow in the direction you’re going. At the end of the trip, leave a big pile of chalk.
3. Create photo evidence suggesting that you went on an adventure that didn’t really happen
4. Go for a drive. You can only make right-hand turns. When you finally get stuck, turn around and then you can only make left-hand turns. Repeat until you find something interesting. Take pictures along the way!
5. Build forts out of furniture and blankets, and wage war with paper airplanes.
6. Go to a major chain bookstore, and leave notes to future readers in copies of your favorite books
7. Write a piece of fiction together. Outside at a cafe. Ask strangers when you get stuck.
8. Try and visit as many people as you can in one night, and turn as many things inside their apartment upside down as you can, without them noticing.
9. Do the lamest tourist thing in your area that you have both secretly wanted to do forever. Have an unabashed good time!
10. Hide and seek in the park
11. Go around the city with sidewalk chalk and draw hearts with equations inside on random things
12. Drive somewhere unknown and have dinner in a city you’ve never been to. With fake names.
13. Go for a drive with the passenger blindfolded, choosing directions at random. see where you end up
14. Dress up as pirates, commandeer shopping carts, and have a war upon the high seas.. er, parking lot.
15. Go on a search for as many good climbing trees as possible, climb as high as you both can in all of them, compile photo evidence
16. Rent a movie you’ve never seen before. Set on mute and improvise dialogue.
17. Dress up as pirates and go parrot shopping at local pet stores
18. Go to the airport, get the cheapest, soonest departing flight to anywhere when you show up, and stay there for a weekend.
19. Walk around a city and perform short silent plays in front of security cameras
20. In the middle of the night, drive to the beach, so you arrive just as the sun is rising. Have a breakfast picnic, then fall asleep together. Bring a sun umbrella.
21. Dress up as superheros and stop at least one petty crime “ie. jaywalking, littering….”
22. Go to a minor league baseball game under the stars. Tell each other stories about how bad you are at athletics. Randomly cheer for both teams. Eat lots of Cracker Jack.
23. With camera and pair of boots, make photolog of a day in the life of the invisible man.
24. Walk around the city all night and find a place to eat breakfast at dawn
25. Go to a restaurant and convince the cook to create something completely new for you.

like voles in love.

Once upon a time (all great love stories start this way), there was a beautiful prairie vole; the most beautiful prairie in all the research pens. Let’s call her Sally. Sally wanted love, the type that makes your tail curl up and sets off butterflies in your stomach, but none of the prairies in her pen had ‘it’. One day, a new prairie entered the pen, let’s call him Harry. Harry was everything that Sally had been looking for. The sex was unbelievable and they couldn’t keep their paws off each other in the first few days of meeting. Over the next few months, the raw, physical passion that they had felt upon meeting subsided, but it was replaced with a feeling of contentment, safety and love. Sally had found her soul mate.

In nature, few animals are capable of maintaining monogamous relationships. Unlike their close cousin, the montane vole, prairie voles, can mate for life and remain with their furry love until the very end. A research team led by Sue Carter explored this difference in vain hope of perhaps discovering some of the clues to long lasting love and relationship satisfaction. Little did they realise that what they’d find would be applicable not only to the voles, but all animals including humans.

Love is like snorting cocaine. It lights up our pleasure centres and makes us crave for more. It releases powerful “good feel” hormones and like cocaine, it can isolate us from other people, hobbies and things and keep us returning over and over to the same person. When Sally was ‘in love’, the “cuddle hormone” oxytocin was released. It’s this hormone that lowers anxiety, lets us trust people and steal babies from strangers. Merely being close to someone that you care about is enough to increase oxytocin levels. When the research team blocked female prairies’ oxytocin output, their relationships became fleeting like the montane voles. Upon injection of the hormone, however, bonding pairs were reformed and female prairies would bitch slap any hoe-bag prairies that tried to steal their men.

Male brains don’t have as many receptors for oxytocin as females do, perhaps explaining why they, like dogs, need excessive pampering, rubbing and touching to stay happy. Instead, partner preference seems to be reinforced through the actions of another chemical, vasopressin. Stimulated by testosterone and orgasms, this hormone provides men with a laser-like focus that keeps them tracking their mate. It was the length of this chemical’s gene that Sue Carter found different among the prairie and montane voles. Free lovin’ montane voles have a shorter gene variant than the love crazy prairie voles but this difference in gene length isn’t just restricted to voles. Frivolous and promiscuous chimpanzees have a short variant of the gene whilst their bonobo brothers, which use oral sex and genital rubbing to resolve group tensions, have one that’s longer.

Ladies care more about the size of your man’s vasopressin gene than anything else. Even among humans, there are 17 different vasopressin lengths. The partners of males with short vasopressin genes are more likely to experience greater relationship dissatisfaction, problems in the bedroom, bad communication and marriages are twice as likely to end in divorce.

With divorce rates climbing up to 40% and over in Australia, one has to ask, what are we doing wrong? It would be easy just to run down to the chemist, get a vasopressin test and figure out the length of your date’s vasopressin gene, but surely that’s not the only factor here. What helps us find the person, or prairie vole, that’s right for us?

Let me tell you ‘bout the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees

Birds do it, cats do it, and ferrets do it. Most mammals have a gland on the top of their nasal cavity, called the vomeronasal organ that detects sex pheromones and gets the little creatures excited and rowdy. These chemicals can alert potential mates as to when females are most fertile. A single Bombay moth releases enough pheromones to attract one billion males into her warm cocoon whilst silkworms can detect pheromones up to 11km away. So far, the existence of this organ in humans has been disputed but recent research suggests that pheromones may play a role in human attraction.

Ovulating lap dancers earn almost two times more than when they’re on their periods. During a 5 hour shift, dancers earn, on average, US$335 if they’re at their most fertile (during ovulation), US$185 when menstruating and US$260 when in between ovulation and menstruation. By contrast, dancers on the pill show no such discrepancies. Perhaps not as obvious as the silkworm that slithered through dirt for 11km to get some suga, but evidence is now coming in to suggest that pheromones and scents do play a role in the human world of love and attraction.

Our sweat and bodily secretions contain proteins of the immune system which bacteria on the surface of the skin break down to produce a perfume that is uniquely our own. This signature scent may play a role in helping us find ‘the one’. Late last year on his ABC program, Race Relations, John Safran panty sniffed for the sake of science. In his quest to determine whether he had a biologic predisposition towards Eurasian women, Safran collected ten dirty underwear samples and smelled each pair whilst blindfolded. The experiment showed that John Safran did indeed favour the Eurasian knickers over those that were Jewish.

The test performed by Safran was a modification of the Undergarment Test which showed that we tend to prefer the scents of others that are genetically dissimilar to ourselves. In terms of reproduction and evolution, this makes sense. If you do the dirty with someone who is more genetically different than yourself, your offspring will have a wider range of resistances since immune system genes are co-expressed. The kids get immune system genes from both the mother and the father. If you impregnate your sister, your children and future generations, are more likely to be mentally retarded and have genetic disorders.

The Human Leukocyte Antigen system (HLA) contains a large number of genes related to immunity and has been linked to relationship success and attraction. Cheating increases with the more HLA genes that you have in common with your partner. Couples with similar HLA genes are also more likely to have unsuccessful embryo transfers and in vitro fertilisations. It’s almost as though the body is trying to tell you that the person you’re with isn’t your prairie vole.

The Science behind homosexuality

Pheromones play a role in homosexuality as well as heterosexuality. Evidence for homosexuality has been provided through undergarment studies. It has been shown that homosexual males prefer the undergarment smells of other homosexuals and the smells of heterosexual women over heterosexual males. Lesbians also rather the smell of other lesbians, and heterosexual males over homosexual males. We seem to be more attracted to the smells of one sex over another and these attractions can increase the fitness of a population.

Evolutionists have been puzzled by the fact that homosexuality hasn’t yet been wiped out by natural selection since there is no way that the human race can propagate through same sex relationships. Two theories for this conundrum have been proposed.

If you look around you homosexuality is everywhere in the animal kingdom. Even on our beautiful Swan River, realise that one in every four black swan couples that you see is a homosexual one. In fact, homosexual black swan couples are infamous for stealing eggs or sometimes even being part of threesomes only to drive their female egg incubator away to raise the children themselves. Surprisingly, the children taken under wing by the homosexual couples have a great chance of surviving, perhaps revealing the importance of homosexual relationships to the survival of the fittest.

A strong correlation has also been recently found between homosexuality, bisexuality and increased fertility in female relatives. One study suggested that there may be a gene on the X chromosome which when expressed in women, allows for greater reproductive success but, when expressed in men, manifests itself in homosexuality. So, despite taking one male out of the mating field, the increased fecundity of the aunts, sisters and cousins of this homosexual male acts as a sort of reproductive compensation.

Am I with a prairie vole or a montane vole?

Our attraction and ability to form loving relationships to certain people makes sure that future generations are viable and healthy. In the case of Sally and Harry, the loving, monogamous bond between the voles ensured that their babies were brought into a caring and nurturing environment thus allowing for greater fitness. In humans, as in voles, children raised up by a single parent tend to have higher rates of mortality. In Australia, 83% of psychiatric hospitalisations and 75% of teens that commit suicide come from single parent backgrounds.

Pheromones seem to play an important role in attraction but with the overuse of perfumes, deodorants and chewing gums, perhaps we are masking the scents that can draw the right, prairie vole in. The pill, as well, has the ability to affect our sense of smell and perhaps affect our natural mate choice. No doubt, there are many different theories for why divorce rates are on the rise and unless you’re prepared to stop shaving your arm pits and quit using deodorants, you may always be attracting montane voles. Love is a mystery and attraction is a multifaceted pull that I don’t I think will ever be completely understood. Just ride on that wave because some of us might be lucky enough to know what it felt like when Harry met Sally.

to beautiful Joni...

I remembered a phrase recently that I'd heard in a Joni Mitchell doco. It really bothered me; I couldn't remember the song I'd heard it in. But it wasn't a lyric.

In the 70s Joni was romantically linked to Graham Nash who wanted to marry her but she felt as though she'd come from a lineage of women who's passion for art and music had been buried by the men they'd ended up with. So she left him, and said these last words in a telegram, "If you hold sand too tightly in your hands, it will run through your fingers."

I haven't felt like myself recently; not that that's necessarily a bad thing. I just feel as though I'm on the cusp of something (what wank). I find that phrase so beautiful and it seems to move something within me because it's so true not just with romance and love but with everything. I used to be unbound by people or events or my aspirations. I used to be reckless and thought little of the consequences of my actions.

But then I got burned.

Now I think that I try to hold onto things too tightly because I don't want to be hurt again. I was recently described as being "straight-edged" and it really insulted me. I enjoy reading my text books and staying in on the weekends so that I can learn something new about the world. I don't think there's anything wrong with that but is this restricting me to a life where amazing experiences can pass me by?

I feel quite closetted at the moment. Why should one description make me feel so character-less?

I miss art; I miss music, I miss painting. I find a kindred spirit in Joni. She seems both lost and centred and in my opinion, she is the ultimate artist. Strange, how my passions have changed over the years because I know that despite doing Science and Medicine and Honours and all those scholarly things, I'm always going to be an artist.

From tomorrow, I start painting again.

blueberries, old friends and handy activities.

I like the idea of starting anew, of feeling like I'm on a clean slate. I know that New Year's is just an ordinary day and that really, every day should be one in which you fulfil your potential (or at least make the decision to evolve) and all that wank, but there's something rather special about this one night, this one hour, this one countdown.

I went out this New Year's, for probably the first time and I finally see what's so special about this one night. Everywhere I looked people were so happy and willing to talk to you without having any ulterior motive (well that may not be true :p) and there was this strange energy around; one which isn't present on just any old Saturday night.

Perhaps it's just another excuse to party and you know that everyone else you meet is going to be there for the same reason? Perhaps it's the idea that you can make this next year count? Perhaps it's knowing that there's that precious long weekend ahead of you. I don't know. I was just so ecstatic to finally be able to start anew.

I've met so many new people in the past year, but there's no one quite like your aulde friends. There's no one I'd rather hang out with and new Year's Eve must have been my favourite night since.... a looooooooooong time. It's a pity we did not bring a camera with us, but I always feel so stifff when I bring one along. It's almost as though taking a photo drains some life out of everyone to the point where you start posing and taking 'myspace' photos (oh gosh, if this day happens, please shoot me).

We went out to Tiger Lils (and Amps) which was really cruisy and I loved the decor. I can imagine my Dad absolutely lovin' it; well duh, there were some Indian statues in the corners aka from my Dad's homeland (pfff he wishes) and I could really see him coming into the club with his video camera and commentating about Shiva and Parvati, Kali and Brahma and all that wonderful stuff! Secretly, a part of me wishes Tatulek had come out clubbing with us.

I feel like I should recount some of the things we did, like driving down Swan Valley the next day (AND THERE WAS NOTHING OPEN! what wankers) and having dinner at the Scotsman, but I guess there's really nothing to note. Old friends are the best and I'm so grateful for all I have :)

I remember walking around my block last New Year's Eve with a piece of paper on which I'd written all the things I wanted to forget about. I kept ripping little bits of the paper and letting them fly in the wind, hoping that this one symbolic act would help wipe away the guilt and pain I'd felt in 2007. It didn't work out. 2007 was the year of mistakes, 2008 was the year of recuperation; fuck I hope 2009 will be epic.

It's not as easy as ripping a scrap of paper and hoping that, miraculously, your sorrows might be blown away just as that wind blew away those tiny bits of paper. My favourite quote is 'to trascend pain, you must first experience it,' and I think that that's how it happens. It's strange how sad I feel sometimes. You look at your family history and all the shit that they went through and in comparison to their stories, your own experiences have don't even weight up and yet, this generation feels so much hopeless than the last (i'm generalising). I recently read an article that put this paradox to our subdued reward circutry. According to this researcher, the mechanisation of daily activities such as washing clothing and packaged foods (i.e. the 'things that make life simple') deny our brains with the feeling of 'reward' or 'achievement'. Because of the strong connection between the motor cortex and the limbic system, the researcher suggested that we should start to do more things with our hands (LIKE BLUE BERRY PICKING!!!) to alleviate depressive tendencies. So there goes my first New Year's resolution: to be more crafty and creative especially with my hands because they take up a huge chunk of the motor circuit.

So (after side tracking a little bit), I must admit that I am finally happy with where I'm heading with my life and who I'm becoming; so 2009 should be pretty damn fine. I'm sorry whoever is reading this; I promise my next entry will be less cheesy. I'm in a cheesy mood; it must have been the 6am wake up call; you know, cos Tatulek was keen on going blue berry picking. Apparently next time we are waking up at 5am. But having said that, FUCK YES THERE ARE BLUEBERRIES IN THE HOUSE!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!! CAN THIS YEAR GET ANY BETTER? (Magda, I am forcing you to go through the hell I went through; it's just crazy how excited Tatulek gets when it comes to blue berry picking.)

(Speaking of blue berries, I think that the only people who actually participate in this activity are Poles who are absolutely appalled by the high prices.... but I do have to ask the question: are we more stingy when it comes to our food? Oh, who really cares THERE ARE BLUEBERRIES IN DA HOUSE AGAIN! YESSSSSSSS)

That should be it for now. I feel a lil embarrassed for sounding so emotional in this blog; I just felt like these last few days deserve some sort of acknowledgement.

i can't wait for next New Year's :)

#2 New Year's Resolution: have more fun

peace

xo

my sister: the neo nazi?

Inspired by the blatant Nazism on my sister's blog I decided to commence one myself. Below I have included some distressing images that I found on her blog:

She tried to defend herself saying "I was trying to reproduce a pinwheel!" But how can I possibly believe her when this hard evidence is staring at me? Is this not a swastika that I see before me?

Eventually she settled for this image:

"not very subtle dear Magda."

You may have covered the swastika with these bold colours and edgy angles but I can smell your disgusting beliefs.

What to do?

Love,

Distressed and Confused

xo