Sperm shooting. A common sport enjoyed by many a deep sea squid.But not really. I can, however, imagine that an entry title like that would get me more hits in a Google search. I recently read about the secret spawning of eels in the National Georgraphic and I think, that since then, I have become obsessed with finding out more about the sex lives of other animals.
1. The more attractive the fish, the worse the sex.
A study recently came out suggesting that less attractive tropical guppies have better sperm. Guppies undergo non consensual (or as I prefer to call it, "sneak mating") and courtship mating and the bitchin' sheilas is the tank frequently undergo sexual relations with many different males. The study noted that less ornate and less colourful fish (which were frequent sneak maters though in all honesty, this term sounds like a euphemism for tank RAPIST) compensated for their less than average looks by producing sperm which swam quicker and had a greater rate of fertilisation. In such a way, the "ugly" fish became fierce sexual competitors by compensating for their lacklustre fins and asymmetrical slithery bodies by producing sperm more likely of producing healthy offspring. A form of natural selection, if you will. I find it odd to imagine how the researchers went about choosing the "attractive" fish from the "ugly" ones. I imagine four men in white coats and beards standing over a tank and arguing about the sex appeal of a certain guppie. To use a criterium that stipulated that "colourful" subjects were more "attractive" would be considered racist in a human study. Do the results of this study crossover into human relations also? Do repeat sex offenders also have more fertile sperm?
Which guppie is most attractive? Don't look at colour you flippin' racist.
2. Cricket stumps gorilla.
I was taught in Human Biology 101 that the gorilla had the biggest relative testicle size within the primates. Recently, it's been found that the bush cricket has won the animal title with its ball sack equating to a whopping 14% of its body weight. A glorious feat, indeed. Bigger testicle size, doesn't necessarily mean more sperm, but like the gorilla, it does correlate with monogamous relations. It takes balls to sleep with many women, repeatedly.
I was taught in Human Biology 101 that the gorilla had the biggest relative testicle size within the primates. Recently, it's been found that the bush cricket has won the animal title with its ball sack equating to a whopping 14% of its body weight. A glorious feat, indeed. Bigger testicle size, doesn't necessarily mean more sperm, but like the gorilla, it does correlate with monogamous relations. It takes balls to sleep with many women, repeatedly.
3. How deep does the deep sea squid go?
67 cm, apparently. Some fishing boat recently captured a deep sea squid with an erect doodle that was almost as long as its entire body. Why the poor thing was erect, I really don't know. This one specimen taught researchers a bit about cephalospod mating. It is suggested that perhaps cephalospods living in deeper regions in the world's seas need longer penises and might shoot out 'sperm packets' which fertilse females. Maybe this is how the giant squid mates. Shallow cephalopods actually have a short penis and a special 'arm' which transfers these packages into the female. But there aren't many deep sea squids so I guess you gotta take whatever comes atchya and a giant penis is always a plus. I wonder what speeds these 'sperm packets' reach. Alas, I have tried to find an answer but have come across none.
4. Another example of how humans screw up the world.
I read recently about how toxins in the water, most notably, tributyltin, an anti-fouling paint used on the bottoms of ships/boats, can lead to the pathological condition known as imposex in which organisms develop organs of the opposite sex. In one study, the researchers proposed that TBT acts as a neurotoxin which triggers the abnormal secretion of Penis Morphogenic Factor and the development of a penis in female sea molluscs causes quite a lot of problems. No penis envy here! The growth of a penis like organ in female dog whelks (sea snails) can block the fallopian tuube and cause sterirlity. Even after the TBT ban, imposex is still prevalent because low concentrations are highly active.
5. Rough sex is best.
Oh I love the name of this eight legged master! The male spider, Harpactea sadistica, knows what it means to dominate. Normally, female spiders have a heavy loaded reputation for eating their males during sex. The red back dominatrix is not only about 5000% heavier than her boy toy, but about 65% of the time, she will slowly eat the insides of her play thing during the deed. It makes sense, longer sex means more effective fertilisation, plus its good nutrition if you want to lay a big batch of eggs. To overcome this man eating webwife, male spiders often deposit their sperm in small packages on her web. The Harpactea sadistica male spider is no pussy. He'll trap his slave, subdue her, pierce her abdomen and directly fertilise her ovaries. It's a pretty smart way of making sure that fertilisation happens. Avoids the whole 'sticky mucus, anti-sperm antibodies etc.' problem some of us humans have.
6. The Lorena Bobbit of the animal kingdom.
The female bumble bee. The ultimate babe. The drone bee deposits its endophallus mid flight and then dies a slow and painful death. Having lost its penis and abdominal organs, there is no hope for the male bumble bee. Too bad he won't live long enough to star in his own porn movie, ala John Bobbitt's Frankenpenis.
4. Another example of how humans screw up the world.
I read recently about how toxins in the water, most notably, tributyltin, an anti-fouling paint used on the bottoms of ships/boats, can lead to the pathological condition known as imposex in which organisms develop organs of the opposite sex. In one study, the researchers proposed that TBT acts as a neurotoxin which triggers the abnormal secretion of Penis Morphogenic Factor and the development of a penis in female sea molluscs causes quite a lot of problems. No penis envy here! The growth of a penis like organ in female dog whelks (sea snails) can block the fallopian tuube and cause sterirlity. Even after the TBT ban, imposex is still prevalent because low concentrations are highly active.
5. Rough sex is best.
Oh I love the name of this eight legged master! The male spider, Harpactea sadistica, knows what it means to dominate. Normally, female spiders have a heavy loaded reputation for eating their males during sex. The red back dominatrix is not only about 5000% heavier than her boy toy, but about 65% of the time, she will slowly eat the insides of her play thing during the deed. It makes sense, longer sex means more effective fertilisation, plus its good nutrition if you want to lay a big batch of eggs. To overcome this man eating webwife, male spiders often deposit their sperm in small packages on her web. The Harpactea sadistica male spider is no pussy. He'll trap his slave, subdue her, pierce her abdomen and directly fertilise her ovaries. It's a pretty smart way of making sure that fertilisation happens. Avoids the whole 'sticky mucus, anti-sperm antibodies etc.' problem some of us humans have.
6. The Lorena Bobbit of the animal kingdom.
The female bumble bee. The ultimate babe. The drone bee deposits its endophallus mid flight and then dies a slow and painful death. Having lost its penis and abdominal organs, there is no hope for the male bumble bee. Too bad he won't live long enough to star in his own porn movie, ala John Bobbitt's Frankenpenis.
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